he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
