i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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