Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
