the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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