I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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