you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
