can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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