Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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