thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
pray to the hookup gods
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
