think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
