we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
