I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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