I wish you could order shots online.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
