I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
