she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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