Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
