If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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