I hate your face
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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