I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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