Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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