Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
