btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Randomize
