Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
