We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
