oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
