Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
