u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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