nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
