We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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