So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it