Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.