Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
