White coat. Heels.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss