Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?