I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
