I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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