So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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