I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
