garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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