i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
