she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
