So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
