1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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