you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
