I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
