what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
