I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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