I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
