My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
