So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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