There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
