My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
