Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do herpes really smell.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
