she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
