This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
