Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
