Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
