...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize