ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
