I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
