i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
