Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
