We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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