Nicole vs. Life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
