My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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