So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A bitchslap is in order.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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