The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
