that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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