the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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