I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
