it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
