ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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