The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
