I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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