i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
