just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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