I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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