why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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