YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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