My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
